{"id":57344,"date":"2023-03-28T14:50:28","date_gmt":"2023-03-28T21:50:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/?p=57344"},"modified":"2023-03-28T14:50:28","modified_gmt":"2023-03-28T21:50:28","slug":"their-cultures-are-different-their-values-are-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/?p=57344","title":{"rendered":"Their Cultures are Different, Their Values are Not"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n
By<\/span>Pilar Marrero<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\n
\n

Nancy and Michael come from very different cultures, but they found in each other the empathy, commitment and shared purpose in life they were looking for in a partner.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\"\"<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\n

Their differences are many: He is from Taiwan, the son of Chinese refugees who fled Mao Zedong\u2019s Communist China. She is from Puerto Rico, living in Los Angeles, where she made a career as a television journalist and, later, a psychologist.<\/p>\n

Nancy and Michael met in 2014, when his company took over a day-care program for adults with disabilities that she directed in Santa Clarita. She left the company shortly thereafter, but they had started dating after he offered to take her to a doctor\u2019s appointment.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought that was weird,\u201d she said, but agreed.<\/p>\n

Nine years later, they are still together. \u201cOur cultures are very different,\u201d Nancy says. \u201cBut we are partners\u2014he is the one for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Michael is more reserved, less outgoing, less talkative. Nancy is outgoing, loves music and dancing and tends to kiss and hug people \u201ceven if I don\u2019t know them,\u201d she says, something Michael is not accustomed to.<\/p>\n

For Michael, Nancy was just \u201ceasy to like.\u201d She had empathy.<\/p>\n

For Nancy, Michael was the opposite of the \u201cmacho\u201d culture that she fled when she left Puerto Rico. \u201cHe has respect for women.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n
\"\"<\/a>
Nancy and Michael have been together since 2014. Their relationship was strengthened after Nancy was diagnosed with cancer in 2018.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

\u201cThe male chauvinist culture\u2014I couldn\u2019t take it,\u201d Nancy says. Michael adds: \u201cI don\u2019t even know what that is.\u201d<\/p>\n

But Nancy really saw what Michael was made of when she was diagnosed with cancer back in June of 2018.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s when I truly saw him, like I had never seen another human being before in terms of his support for me, his undying support,\u201d she says. \u201cHe was there for every single chemotherapy session, he slept with me in the hospital room by my bed. I got extremely ill, and he would clean me. I spent almost a year in bed, screaming from the severe pain every day. He offered unwavering support through hell, making everything easier.\u201d<\/p>\n

Michael waves this off.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt wasn\u2019t so bad for me,\u201d he says. \u201cI enjoyed the hospital food and everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Five years later, Nancy is close to being declared in remission and their relationship is as strong as ever. They share a passion for travel, and he has accompanied her to Puerto Rico. But, watching Latino television and visiting the island, Michael saw things that puzzled him greatly.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe sexualization of young girls, the obvious exploitation of women\u2014and men\u2014that made me uncomfortable for sure,\u201d he says. \u201cChinese tend to be much more reserved.\u201d<\/p>\n

Michael also did not understand what he describes as the cavalier attitude of many Latino men, and the examples he saw of Latina women marrying more than once, with children from different husbands.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe doesn\u2019t understand that\u2019s completely normal,\u201d Nancy says. \u201cI would explain it to him, my sister had a husband, he left her, so she was alone with a baby and then she had a second husband. He was like, no, that\u2019s not possible.\u201d<\/p>\n

Michael sees the whole thing as unreal. \u201cLike a Spanish\u00a0novela<\/em>,\u201d he chuckles. \u201cIt\u2019s so strange to me that society acquiesces to this kind of male behavior.\u201d<\/p>\n

For Nancy, Michael\u2019s culture is completely fascinating. \u201cThey appreciate art from a completely different perspective. His mom is an artist, she can do calligraphy in Chinese, she knows Chinse opera. For me it\u2019s like salsa and merengue,\u201d she laughs.<\/p>\n

At first, Nancy\u2019s family was skeptical about Michael. \u201cUn chino\u2026 they would say, what is he about, what does he eat?\u201d<\/p>\n

However, Nancy says she learns something new from Michael every day. \u201cThey speak Mandarin Chinese, a very rich language, and everything is based on stories. It\u2019s poetic, so he is always making analogies with these stories about things that happen to me. It enriches my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nancy and Michael have also seen the ugliness of anti-Asian hate that has endured in some corners of the United States for centuries.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe were having dinner in Turlock, a small town in Stanislaus County,\u201d Nancy says. \u201cWe went out of the restaurant and these two Anglo guys come at us and say, \u2018What is this f\u2014\u2014 Chinese doing here?\u2019 We just left as fast as we could.\u201d<\/p>\n

Having overcome the worst of her illness, Michael and Nancy recently opened a business together. It\u2019s an adult health care center, much like the one they met in.<\/p>\n

Both think they will be together for the rest of their lives. Nancy is 58, and Michael is 52.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are together like one person,\u201d Nancy says. \u201cBut we respect our differences.\u201d<\/p>\n

This article is part of the Love Across Colorlines series, a collaboration of 20+ ethnic media outlets looking at interracial marriage in California at a time of rising hate. Visit\u00a0Love Across Colorlines<\/a>\u00a0to see more in the series.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

ByPilar Marrero Mar 28, 2023 Nancy...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-57344","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-opinion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57344","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=57344"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57344\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":57345,"href":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57344\/revisions\/57345"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=57344"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=57344"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lapost.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=57344"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}