The 4 Components of EQ
EQ is the ability to understand your own emotions and those of the people around you. It’s something that Booth often coaches her clients on.
There was the director who would pace around team meetings with a scowl on his face. To his employees, he was intimidating and angry, when he actually just had terrible back pain. Or there was a woman who was new to a senior leadership team where the style was to be very blunt with colleagues. However, whenever she felt defensive, she started to cry.
“None of these people were showing up in a way they wanted to in their leadership roles,” Booth explained in a The Insightful Leaders Live webinar.
The man with the bad back needed to read the emotions of the room to understand the vibe he was giving off. The woman prone to tears needed a better understanding of her own emotions—and emotional triggers—so she could perform at the level she wanted.
In order to hone your EQ (with or without the benefit of an executive coach), Booth suggests breaking the concept down into four components.
Self-awareness: This is “about how you’re feeling in the moment. It’s that self-check-in,” Booth explains. Are you feeling stressed or depleted? Because if you are, your best self may not be showing up for work that day. To boost your self-awareness, Booth suggests simply taking a few deep breaths and asking yourself what you’re feeling. Or start journaling to better understand what your triggers are so you can recognize them in the moment.
Self-management: This is the outward-facing partner of self-awareness, essentially what are you going to do now that you know how you’re feeling. If you’re feeling angry or agitated, maybe you should wait an hour before replying to an email. Or go for a walk or call a friend. Or perhaps you wait until tomorrow to make a big decision because you know you aren’t in the right headspace to make it today.
Social awareness: This is about reading the emotions of those around you. Think of that director who paced around the conference room. He was lacking in social awareness. The solution is to truly seek to understand how those around you are doing. It may be intuitive or it may necessitate a direct question, such as: “I sense you are frustrated. Is that true?,” Booth explains. Or perhaps it means asking someone who is struggling, “What do you need from me right now?”
Relational management: This is what you do with that social awareness. One tip Booth shares is to think about the impression you leave on your team. “When they leave a meeting with you, how are they feeling? Do they feel deflated? Do they feel energized?” And if you don’t like the answer, what can you do to make them feel motivated and appreciated? This isn’t only important during tough moments. Happy times deserve relational management, too, such as sending a thank you note for a job well done. “If you are in a good mood, you might make someone’s day as well.”
You can hear more from Booth on emotional intelligence in this The Insightful Leader Live podcast.
